the people of 2008

inspired as i ever am by Barbara Walters, I've been thinking a lot about the past year, and who MY most amazing people of 2008 were. There have been a lot of people in my life, and I want to thank everyone, even those I may not write about directly, for the profound influence you have had on me in the past year. And now to the list.

1. Caroline Marie Beranek: As always, you are my best friend and my world. You are there for me no matter what. We both are stubborn and stupid, but most importantly, we love eachother. I'd be lost without you, girl.
2. Stacey Bushey: I am so grateful that you have become my friend this year. You are a rock in my life, more than I think you'll ever know. You're amazing, and I love you.
3. Brianna McGarril: You are one of the most genuine people I've ever met. Having you in my life has been the most amazing thing ever.
4. Laura Elizabeth Maki: YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. You are my roommate (basically for life), and you know me way to well. Thank you for always being there, and for always being honest with me.
5. Rachel Worrell: You are possibly the nicest human being I have ever known. You give so much of yourself to everyone, and I thank you so much for that.
6. Chris Ricker: You know. You know. We are both assholes, but you lift me up when I'm feeling down, and for that I thank you always.
   
7. Derek Gavelis: Despite everything, I thank you for what you've done. I'm my own person now, more than I was before. You are a good man, and I will always stand by that.
8. Lauren Laws: Astwo. You got me through the summer, and you are a light in my life. I love you girl.
9. Jack Pennington: I miss you. You shaped my year in more ways than I think I will ever realize on my own. You left a wake, baby.
   
10. John Gaeddert: I love you kid. There is no one in the world I would rather read Bukowski and watch James Dean with. You're one of the most insightful human beings I've ever met, and I'm lucky to know you.
11. Ukiah Pearson: Whoooah buddy. I miss you too. It seems like our lives are getting hectic and we're becoming grown ups. But our paths will cross again soon, and we'll have ridiculous times again.
12. Jeff & Edgar: While you each hold a special place in my heart, I can't think of one of you with out the other. You two are magical, and you give me faith in men. You are the best. Period.
13. Joshy: Let's go streaking?
14. Melissa Theil-Stenson: Moose. You are my hero.

there are many people in my life that I didn't mention, not because I don't love you, just because the words aren't as easy to write as I thought they would be. I love you all always, thank you for everything.

here's to 2009?

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Now playing: Feist - Mushaboom
via FoxyTunes

impending winter

And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

it's been a long semester.
the good has been fucking phenomenal,
but the bad has been in proportion.
i need a break from the east for a while.
there are so many people here that i love, which makes going home hard, cause i miss them constantly.

but i miss home. & caroline & my family & my pups & everything.

ten days till oregon.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the things that matter to me as a human.
particularly other people, and how they affect me.
I've become a really strange person over the last year, and I'm not so sure how I feel about myself.

it's like I'm a washed out version of who I used to be.
a lot of fake happiness and over enthusiasm that masks a lot of ridiculously touchy-feely behaviour that I have no clue how to deal with.

i hate to be an asshole, but i feel like I can blame most of this confusion on a few choice people in my life who completely confound me with their cruelty.

i need to break out.
i need a break.

off to Long Island for Thanksgiving with Brianna & Co. I'm pretty much stoked.


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Now playing: Dropkick Murphys - The Gang's All Here
via FoxyTunes

twenty

twenty.
what?

th0ughts from my birthday:

make friends with franzia.

• "John Steel in Cocks Among the Mayflowers."-brianna
• "always, she's asking questions, perhaps?"-edgar
• "nine, bust a rhyme. and i must say i do love rhyming."-candy
• "the balls in the eyes isn't so bad. it's like when you go to the spa and they give you cucumbers"-brianna

i love my friends. so much.

thoughts before bed.

it's snowing outside. farewell for the season, canvas shoes.
i love laura.
i'm pumped for thanksgiving.

i love beer art. [my calling? perhaps]

sleep now.

exhausted, and very much looking forward to the weekend.

gangsta party tonight. :)

Leave No Trace Awareness Workshop on the farm [I'm teaching people how to poop in the woods]

speaking at 3 churches about the ecumenical youth group program that I'm spearheading.
oh my!

Oh, and doing homework or something.
frick.

i need to stop being such an abysmal slacker.

sometimes i just want to curl up into a ball and fade away.
things are good, so good.
my friends are amazing.

i'm just tired of feeling lonely.
i think i just want someone to hold me again.
hm.

these are not thoughts that i want to have.



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Now playing: The Format - On Your Porch
via FoxyTunes

november.

this weekend has taught me many things,
particularly things that
i will never do again.

i need to be better for myself.

yup.

50 Things that bring me joy

1. Tea
2. Being Warm
3. Bean and cheese burritos with guacamole
4. Quidditch
5. Climbing things
6. Pine Trees
7. Stars
8. Camp songs
9. Spending time with Caroline
10. Mac & Cheese
11. Kool-Aid Shots
12. Gilmore Girls
13. Baking
14. Asofterworld.com
15. Outdoor Recreating
16. Basket-making
17. things that are green
18. kurt halsey
19. tattoos
20. Polaroid pictures
21. Mail
22. Males
23. William Faulkner
24. Ginger Peach Tea in particular
25. Birthday Cake
26. flannel
27. old spice
28. going out on dates
29. profanity
30. Brianna Regan McGarril
31. Cuddling
32. country songs
33. sleeping outside
34. hammocks
35. Magic Hat no. 9
36. the state of Oregon
37. kissing people on the cheek
38. my baby brother.
39. Sunday School
40. saying the rosary
41. making things
42. puddles, the kind you jump in
43. building campfires
44. rain
45. learning new things
46. typewriters
47. girly climbing gear
48. mountains
49. family
50. my friends

Yes We Can!

it is official:

my suspicions were correct: Barack Obama is the new president. 338-155..wow. George Bush has been in office since I was 12 years old. Finally, I am able to have faith in my government, proud of my nation. I will not have to put a canadian flag on my backpack when I travel around Europe. I have never been happier in my life. I have spent the last hour dancing, laughing, screaming, singing, and hugging. I feel so alive.

As Caroline and I discussed: Moving out of the country is a choice now, not an obligation.

John McCain gave the classiest concession speech I have ever heard. He was gracious, eloquent...he was human in a capacity I wish he would have been during the last several months of this election.

"I wish godspeed ot the man who was my former opoponent and will be my president." Then he asked his countrymen "to not despair of our difficulties but to always believe in the promise of America.
-http://blogs.tnr.com/tnr/blogs/the_plank/archive/2008/11/04/mccain-s-concession-speech.aspx

I can still here screaming crowds, battle horns, and bongo music on the other side of campus. Streakers just ran past my window. And now I go to sleep, and I will sleep easy.

It is 10:10pm.
I am fairly confident that I can call the election right now.

Barack Hussein Obama will be the 44th president of the United States.
He has 206 electoral votes, and is going to win the West Coast.
I have never been more proud to be an American Citizen.

He is the hope I've been waiting for. Our first African American President.

I am so alive right now, I can taste it.
As soon as CNN calls it, I will be a happy cat.

They just called Vermont.
Obama, all the way.
Gotta love my #2 state.

Election Day

I have just woken up.
Today is Election Day, Nov. 4th.
and I am a little bit nervous.

I have always been politically active, but this is my first election. I voted for Barack Hussein Obama. I hope he becomes our president.

As we go through the day today, I am praying and hoping that Barack does become the president of our nation, because...well...the alternative terrifies me.

During this next presidential term, I will progress further into my adult life. I want change in this country-so I can know that it is safe for me to begin raising children and starting a family. In a nation without war, in a nation free from prejudice, in a nation that cares about the earth. Now, I'm not planning on popping out kids as soon as Obama takes office, but...I guess my own adult life is looming on the horizon, it's tangible now. The results of this election will have a significant impact on how that adult life plays out.


ugh. Off to work.

last night was really wonderful.
cuddled with Brianna and Revill ( i would include Jeff, but he's an abusive cuddler).
It was good to be warm, and feel comfortable and loved.

Brianna and I are getting tattoos together over Thanksgiving break in Long Island.
Tattoo #2-I am so ready for this.
yes indeed.

I need to be closer to Caroline.
I miss her too much, all the time. I just think we'd both be happier people if there weren't 3000 miles between us.


I want to see everything and do everything and taste everything.
I need to get the sweetest summer job ever.
I need to be in Oregon this summer, as much as it pains me.
I need to get a car, and a house, and I need my dog.
I need to be an adult.
all at once and right now.

the biggest flaw of the maple syrup state:

i am too far away from a decent burrito restaurant.
i need to get to California.
and fast.

dear vermont:
while i am not a fan of being cold...you are wonderful.
thank you for magic hat.

<3-the drunk formerly known as candy jean.

open the eyes of my heart lord,
open the eyes of my heart,
help me to see you,
help me to see you.

see you high and lifted up.
shining in the light of your glory,
pour out your power and love,
as we sing holy, holy holy...

somehow i've become responsible for the spirtual development of the youth of this town.
god, grant me strength.

the last time i put my past in a box, i threw it away.

i let go a long time ago,
why is she still holding on?

let it all run off my back-okay.

new words, old thoughts

"you get what you get, so don't throw a fit."
everything I've ever wanted is all coming together in a mystical way.
i just need to keep it all together, and keep the bottom from dropping out.
don't fold to the pressure, smith.
man-up.

coffeehouse bandit.