i think i might love the Jonas Brothers.

i am sick and it sucks.
i want to go to ireland.
i want to not be broke all the time.

this "poor college kid" kick is really getting old.

an excerpt from Natalie Dee, love of my life.

the following was posted in Natalie Dee's blog on February 10th. I like it and agree with it, so I'm posting it here for your enjoyment.

ASK NATALIE

Q: Where I come from, everyone thinks I'm a whore. And they're pretty much right. My reputation has gone to shit. I do regret what I've done in the past. I was young and stupid. What do you do to fix a reputation like this? I'm in a happy relationship now and I'm planning on never whoring around again. Is my reputation totally down the drain or is there something I could do so people will know I've made a conscious effort to change myself?

A: First off, you're not a whore. You weren't making scratch. Perhaps you were behaving in a slutty manner, but calling yourself a whore is a bit much.

Moving on... It's not anyone else's business what you do in your spare time. If you are not fucking someone, it is not their business who you actually are fucking. As long as you are wrapping it up, and not fucking around on someone you're in a relationship with (or who is a relationship with someone else), who cares. Nobody is talking shit about the dudes you were sleeping with being whores, are they? Acting like people being nosy and judgmental bothers you only makes them keep doing it. Hold your head high and don't let what people say about you behind your back bother you, and they will stop once their shaming doesn't hit the mark.

If people give you shit, a simple "my sex life is none of your motherfucking business" works really well. Everyone knows it's not their business. If they get nosy and you act like you care, it makes them think you are seeking their approval. If you act in an ethical manner, and don't spread disease or destroy relationships, your reputation is squeaky clean.

I think this is good advice, and I'm going to listen to it henceforth.

i am a fool.
i am a fool.
i am an idiot and a fool.

I love my friends.
i love my hammock.
i love love love tea.

this weekend's plans:
-Dress Up For No Reason (Girls Pregame @ my place)
-working on Saturday
-Vagina Monologues! (my monologue is "Cootchie Snorcher")
-more drink?
-Church
-Homework
-Playing all weekend.

what do you do when you realize the reason you've been unhappy in relationships
is that you still have feelings for your first love?

what do you do when you're in love, period.
I can hardly remember those feelings at all, I can hardly remember what to do.

this weekend:
5 hours of sleep.
at least 30 beers consumed.
1 traveling party
1 Clint Eastwood movie & 1 Broken Lizard movie
3 breakfast burritos
20 minutes of listening to beating hearts.
1 resumed friendship

awesome life decisions to be had.
last night was incredible,
and cleared up all of what
I've been lacking in the last year.

last night, my friend I'd lost I found again. It took several hours of
blathering drunkenly about how sorry we were,
but I think we're back. thank god.

i do not know how i am still alive right now.
by all accounts I should be dead.

this has been a better, better, best weekend.

win.

so, as my old laptop is caput, I lost about 30 movies that I had stored on my harddrive.
amongst those were some of my favorites: Boondock Saints, Beerfest, etc. It was a huge loss.

eff.

however, I just found my old DVD Case! yes! So I thought I would make a list of movies here.
If anyone wants to watch them, let me know.

1. Giant
2. Return to Paradise
3. Atonement
4. Pi
5. East of Eden
6. Mona Lisa Smile
7. Knocked Up
8. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
9. Big Daddy (don't ask questions)
10. Running With Scissors
11. Transformers
12. Raise Your Voice (again...don't ask questions)
13. TransAmerica
14. Tomb Raider I
15. Tomb Raider II
16. Orange County
17. School Of Rock
18. Man of the Year
19. Rebel Without A Cause
20. Sixteen Candles
21. Finding Nemo
22. The DaVinci Code
23. Finding Nemo
24. The Devil Wears Prada
25. Gone in 60 Seconds
26. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Ani Difranco is performing at HIGHER GROUND!
oh my lord.
i need to get a contingency to Burlington.

in other news...
I do make poor choices,
but people who are not involved in or effected by those choices need to keep their fucking mouths shut. especially if those same people are guilty of the same crime.

there is one person who has every right to talk shit, be mean, yell and scream at me. One. that is the person who was horrendously wronged in this situation. I take full responsibility for my actions. I am sick to my stomach with guilt. That one person has the right to say whatever they want about me.

other people, particularly people who have on a regular basis committed the same offense I have, with NO remorse, and not ONE shred of honesty, don't have any right to say shit. So they should keep that in mind. Stop being a hypocrite.

I apologize for my language. But I'm upset and I'm resisting the urge to punch a bitch in the face.

PLD

if your name is Candy J Smith....
you make bad decisions.
you need to stop doing this.

you should drink more wine, and flirt less.
you should go to church every Sunday.
you should practice climbing knots instead of getting mad at stupid girls who sign up for your trips for no discernible purpose other than to make you so effing miserable.

you should speak up, because if you don't others will.